Amnesia

Oh hey! I don’t fucking care! Shut the fuck up!

1.) If you’re going to tell-off your significant other in the middle of the grocery store on your cell phone while perusing various cuts of meat, use words that are kid friendly, because I’m telling you right now, if my toddler starts uttering the phrase, “Fuck your Goddamn Mother” I’m throwing all the canned food I’ve accrued in my shopping cart, plus squishy vegetables at your head.

2.) I’ve come to the conclusion that 80 percent of the human race are disgusting pigs. For heaven’s sake ladies, it’s not that hard to wipe up after yourself and flush the damn toilet at a public restroom. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to pass a stall and then gag because someone decided they’d like to keep their work of art fresh for everyone else to savor.

3.) While at the beach, don’t throw your shit around and expect other people to clean it up. I mean, most people will clean up your shit, only because we’re tired of ignorant, lazy and entitled people screwing up our beach with their shit. Just don’t assume that we’ll save your ass and the environment at the same time, k?

4.) I really really really dislike people who use handicap parking spaces who aren’t really handicapped, or ninja’d the pass from an aunt with a hip replacement. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen a nice young woman or man sprint out of their car while parked in a restricted space. If you can walk normally, you can park a few spaces back.

5.) The ice cream truck. It irks me. If I hear the “Turkey In the Straw” one more f’in time…well, you won’t like me when I’m angry.

6.) The fact that coffee, vanilla extract, and baking chocolate taste nothing like you’d think they’d taste like. Oh, the traumatic childhood memories!

7.) The fact that liver and onions tastes exactly how you think liver and onions would taste…like ass.

8.) Just because you could afford the big honking SUV, the boob and nose job, and the pretty house on Mulberry Lane, doesn’t mean that you are any better than me. The next time you look at me that way, out comes the squash. I mean it.

Bitch.

9.) If I’m already going abit faster than the speed limit and keeping up with traffic, and you flash your lights, ride my ass, or honk at me to move out of the way, expect the finger. A big one. Maybe two, because I will be driving with my knees and attempting to smite you with dirty looks.

10.) It bugs the heck out of me that corporations find it necessary to install toilet paper rolls that rip off one square at a time. If you’ve got an employee theft problem involving toilet paper, you need to hire better people. If you’re trying to save money, keep in mind that while people are taking 15 minutes to rip off enough paper to wipe their asses, you’re losing that time in which they could be productive.

That’s all for now. I will go be irked in private.

…and though the news was rather sad, I just had to laugh.

I don’t normally go on political rants here at Amnesia, only because usually it’s a topic I leave to people more experienced than I am in the field. Yet, the more news that came in about the banking industry and the economy made me shake in my skin.

Let’s take Bush’s most popular soundbite of the day, shall we? He was quoted as saying that our banking functions and facilities in the US are “basically okay.” Now, as an intelligent person, that description made me pause for a moment. I know that I am not the only one on the planet that understands the adverb in his sentence subtly hints at a bit of doubt.

Let’s deconstruct the following:

“The Hindenburg is glorious in her stature! The most brilliant dirigible the world has ever seen! She’s basically safe.”

Had that last sentence been used in any descriptions of the big hydrogen balloon, and had I been alive and wealthy in 1937; I would have probably stopped short of paying actual money to secure my transport to Lakehurst from Berlin; lest I became a crispy critter falling from the New Jersey sky.

What’s my point exactly? Well, the worst thing this administration could do for the people of this country is place GWB at the podium when we are suffering. I don’t know about you, but when we are failing so soundly as a democracy with institutions such as the Patriot Act, and our constitutional rights are eroding faster than the beaches we are swearing to protect, (I know, major run-on sentence there) this administration might as well be handing out flogs to further the suffering of its less-than-wealthy population. I cringe when anyone in our current government tries to smooth things over or make everything better by giving me back some of  my hard earned money to ultimately stimulate the failing economy.

So far, every time our great president has tried to strike down the reasonable fears of his general public, something else breaks and life for the hardest working Americans gets a little more bleak.

Let me ask you this:

The plane you are sitting on, has just been described as basically safe.

The bridge you are driving over has been declared as basically safe.

The car in which you’ve strapped-in your children has been certified by a mechanic as basically safe.

While this may be a comfort to apathetic people who are riding through life with blinders over their eyes, the smarter folk of the world take a step back and start weighing in the consequences and benefits of subjecting ourselves to scenarios which involve the word “basically”.

This is just yet another example as to why the international community must laugh at our country. We are constantly being represented by someone who can’t even grasp the language well enough to comfort his own people.

But don’t worry good people of the USA, we’ll be basically okay…

…aside from the poor who can’t afford a doctor. Or the middle class who are getting laid off at an alarming rate. Or the single mother who has to rely on government assistance once again because she can’t afford the rising food costs. Or the gay couples who want to adopt an orphan who would normally be raised in a dilapidated and degraded facility or the….

Get my point, now?

Furthermore, while I’m ranting; solutions for high gas prices shouldn’t be to open up off-shore and protected wild land drilling in Alaska. Hell, I almost threw a shoe through my TV when I saw the Chrysler commercial touting that they were “protecting me from high gas prices” by capping prices at the pump at $2.99 a gallon for 3 years if you buy an overly expensive and cheaply made vehicle.

Give me a fucking break.

Had Chrysler not built the huge ass gas guzzling behemoths, they wouldn’t have contributed to the problem we currently have. It is the rare person who actually stops to think about that. So while corporations that have continually made money off making this world a shittier place to live, tout green and environmentally friendly fixes to all of our biggest problems, lets all go ahead and stick another fattening french fry in our mouths and wallow in our ignorance and apathy when the good ole boy waddles up to the podium in a vain attempt to make us feel better with a concerned smirk on his face.

UGH! *steps off podium, kicks it, and stomps off in a disgusted huff*

WTF?

This is almost as bad as FOX’s blunder with Michelle Obama last week. Let’s take serious news, twist the headline and then sell it as a shirt with our branding. Seriously, what is going on in the heads of marketing over there?

Who wants a t-shirt that says, ” Clerk plans to marry same-sex partner?” or ” Furor erupts over guns in national parks!” I’m not kidding here, if you go to the news site and click on the little shirt icon next to the video camera, you can make yourself a t-shirt.

It’d be nice if you could alter a headline to say, “CNN has no class!”

Furthermore, who’s the lucky soul who chooses the headlines? Will they get raunchy and more ‘tongue-in-cheek’ as time progresses as some asshat buys the merchandise? Why can’t it all be equal opportunity either? “Police shoot man beating to death toddler” has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Give me a fucking break will you please? This type of money making scheme would maybe work on “The Daily Show” or “The Onion”, but CNN? I’m officially cutting myself off from reading/watching news in all formats.

Someone please tell me when the world starts to end, cause I’m not going to know about it.

****This will contain spoilers for “Battlestar Galatica”, so don’t read if you aren’t up to date on the show. ****

In the comment thread of my “I Hate Ron Moore” post, Vince asks me why I currently hate the man responsible for one of the best shows on television. I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on why last night was so disappointing, so with a deep breath to control my rage, here we go.

I’ve been on board BSG since the very beginning. I’ve seen friends and enemies alike air-locked, or killed in senseless battles and accidents. I’ve been Admiral Adama’s personal assistant and have watched him grow in both stature and wisdom only to see every strand of strength whittled away in the brief moments of deeply personal betrayal. I’ve stood next to Caprica Six as she’s talked and fucked a deranged and selfish Gaius Baltar. I’ve shared in the disbelief and wholly disturbing personal secrets of Col. Tigh, Anders, Tori and Chief. I too was shut away with D’Anna and let fear rule my decisions when I was “unboxed”. I’ve felt the intense passion that guides Leoben and the frustration and curiosity that make Kara Thrace. I’ve also counselled and questioned every decision Laura Roslin has made since the initial destruction of the 12 colonies.

I am a part of each person, each crew, each cylon and have been from the very beginning.

With all that said, you can imagine my joy, relief and disbelief when Felix Gaeda exclaimed that the constellations were a match. You can imagine the tears of those overwhelming emotions flowing like a cleansing river when Admiral Adama confirmed we had found our new home. I danced in jubilation with Lee in the CIC. I hugged my comrades in the hangar bay, and I wept with those who have lost so much and for the first time in years have had something for which to hope.

Yet the moment I bent down and held the soil in my hands with Adama, and heard the familiar tick of an active Geiger counter, was the moment my hope turned into rage and despair. Couple this with the fact that I am now frozen in time for an unknown period until the forces that be decide I can continue the rest of our journey, and well, it makes for a pretty pissed-off Kate.

I understand the need for dystopia when creating a show or writing a novel. Yet, if you are like me, you have invested yourself in watching, debating and discussing this show. With those countless hours, entitlement arises that you are owed a payoff for your efforts. You should be allowed to experience the most precious of human emotions; hope. 

Apparently, Ronald Moore believes otherwise. I feel ultimately betrayed in that despite the relevant social and economic issues the writers have sprinkled throughout the seasons, they found it necessary to remind us that we are hell bent on destruction no matter how much we try and redeem ourselves.

We are destructive. We’ve known this from the very beginning. We know this as we read our daily news and surf our internet.  I don’t see why it was necessary to offer another glimpse into what looked like nuclear holocaust when it was exactly what we were running from years ago.

So yeah Ron, would you kindly go fuck yourself. I wanted to hold onto my happy ending as long as possible and just as you took families and homes away from my friends and foes alike, you took the only driving force capable of bringing us back from the brink.

Right now, my hope is gone as I sit upon my Earth and look out upon a wasteland I so desperately wanted to call home.

Part of me is relieved the series isn’t over just yet, but part of me dreads where this will lead all of us in the year to come.

Perhaps I’m a rare breed. I’ve never gone to someone elses desk and just taken something without permission. Yet, it seems to constantly happen in my work environment. I guess because I’m the office manager/administrative assistant, my title suggests that I like to be shit on.

This week I’ve come back to missing scissors, and today I came back to find my desk heater missing as well. Today happens to be a colder day in New England, and our building management doesn’t think it’s necessary to provide adequate heating for its tenants. It’s annoying to say the least, because I went out and purchased the heater in my spare time.

It doesn’t hurt to ask for things, and I’m a pretty easy going and generous person. This type of entitlement is one of my biggest pet peeves. Once you figure out that you’re not the king of the cube jungle, or the line everyone else has been waiting in, or the road on which everyone drives, you’ll be a lot better off and I think you’ll finally stop wondering why people hate you.

Because, really, they do.

I also happen to have a red swingline stapler, and if that goes missing, well there will be hell to pay.

Reverend Dollar rakes in the big bucks!

I consider myself a loving Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ, and I believe in God the Father. However, there are some things that just scare me about organized religion. While some may find solace in its ritualistic embrace, it’s the Mediavangelists that really give me the creeps. On the rare occasion that I’m channel surfing on a Sunday, or oddly enough, late at night, it’s akin to the big top coming to town.

It looks like my fears are not that crazy either, according to the article linked above, some of the late night peddlers of God’s word are raking in the dough from generous contributions given by needy people.

The Good Reverand Creflo Dollar, (yes, that’s his last name) with the World Changers Church International raked in the moolah totaling around a cool 69 million last year alone.

Out of this article comes one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard from someone who claims to be a preacher:

“Without a doubt, my life is not average,” he said. “But I’d like to say, just because it is excessive doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong.”

How is anything in that quote not hysterical? I’m hoping if we ever get to see the second coming of Christ, he beats and casts aside the almighty Dollar like the gamblers and debt collectors in the temples of old, and shoves that Rolls right up his…

Okay, that’s not becoming of a Christian. By the way, last time I spoke with the big man above, Creflo, there was no valet parking in Heaven.

There is however plenty of special valet parking in Hell.

I am only getting worse, health wise, so my promise of original content has to wait hopefully just one more day. Instead, read this piece I wrote for Pete.

Don’t Get in the Choppah!

I really don’t like to complain. I really don’t. I slept a total of 18 hours last night into today. I am pretty sure I either have the flu or the beginnings of bronchitis/pneumonia. Brain isn’t working and neither is the cough syrup.

Anyone got any good chicken soup recipes? You are up against my own terrific Polish recipe, so beware, I will be judging with quite the skeptic eye. Don’t you just love challenges in which you are up against horrible odds?

So what do I have for you today?

How about the $2 billion helicopter order that the US Government revealed has one teenie, weenie and minor flaw. It can’t fly in weather above 80 degrees Fahrenheit. I’m not kidding you. Military vehicles are often made without air conditioning to improve on performance, cut down on weight and to save on fuel, so they’re going to have to go back and retrofit these choppers with some cooling. If the outside temperature is above the 80 degree threshold, the cockpit temps soar to 104, both dangerous for the pilots and soldiers riding along and possibly shutting down the vital instruments to keep the thing in the air.

One senator suggested we scrap the entire order at tax payer expense and just order Blackhawks instead.

Why aren’t we going back to the manufacturer and demanding they fix this stuff for free? The designs should have been a red flag to any experienced engineer and frankly if the helo can’t operate in temperatures found almost anywhere on the globe except maybe Antarctica, it should be their issue to fix them at their expense.

It’s time to hold military contractors responsible for their own mistakes instead of passing the cost of repairs or retrofits to the taxpayers. God help them if I were a contract consultant in Washington, half of the companies who do business with the US would be blacklisted.

Here’s hoping they do the right thing for once.

Although, I’d love for you to go over to Pete’s page, I’m going to just copy the post I have over there, on to here, because I know we don’t share all of the same audience, plus, I’m horribly ill with a chest cold and fever. So I’m tired and I’m going to go to bed. I will try to get normal and original posting back tomorrow. For now, enjoy my copycattery.

Oh My God, What did you eat???

A history lesson is always fun, but here’s something I bet you didn’t know.  

Aside from the tiny, irrelevant fact that Hitler, by society’s definition was insane, there are some other interesting things for which to laugh at him as he rolls around in that early grave. He apparently had a horrible flatulence issue. The problems started for Adolf when he was just a boy, but only grew worse as he reached adulthood. Scientists attributed it to both a nervous condition and a diet that consisted of mostly raw and uncooked vegetables and oats. For some odd reason, Dolfie got it in his head that all cooked foods were carcinogenic.

See! See! More reason to eat meat with Pete.

Regardless, I don’t know how anyone would have taken him seriously at any sort of sit down negotiation or meeting when suddenly the room was filled with the scent of au de la sewage facility. Ava must have wiped petroleum jelly under nose to stifle the stench, because if Hitler’s problem was as bad as this article makes it out to be, I would have been in that bunker with a gun to my head long before overly evil husband/dictator joined me.

Ava (holding her nose): “Holy Shizzer! Did you eat dead skunks drenched in vomit covered garbage last night?”

I guess we can all thank Dr. Morell for giving him ‘gas remedy’ pills consisting of large quantities of strychnine. Nothing like abit of poison to tame those fumes. Another interesting fact: Some attribute Morell’s quackery as possibly but arguably debated as intentional, in helping to destroy Hilter’s reign of terror a lot earlier than anticipated.

 Source: Scent of a Führer

Due to ‘financial reasons’. Wow.

Did losing all those Iraq war pullout date office pools whittle away at his $168K/year salary?

While I’m sure the White House will spin this to look as if they ultimately planned it, I’m laughing hysterically that Bush’s ‘people’ are abandoning ship just timely enough to be called survivors of the S.S. Lame Duck, instead of committing career suicide in going down with the ship.

Oooh. That’s witty.