Size 22 and New Year’s Resolutions
Posted by Kate on Monday Dec 29, 2008 Under LifeI admit it. I am a fat girl. I’ve always had problems with my weight. Right now, I am hovering around 300 lbs. You don’t know how mortifying that is to say out loud for the entire world to hear or read. The only thing I have going for me, is that I am six feet tall. So instead of being all jubbly bits and cinnamon rolls, the weight has settled around my hips thighs and belly. This is what I can look like.
This is what I look like now:
Bit of a difference, eh? The dress above was a size 12 at roughly 200lbs. The picture with the jeans and tee-shirt taken today is a 2x shirt and size 22 jeans. You can see the extra fat in my face, arms, hips and belly. What you don’t see is the extra large ass that hardly fits into airplane seats and leaves me embarrassed and apologizing for my size when smaller people have the unfortunate fate of sitting next to me in cramped conditions.
I was comfortable at 200 lbs. I was curvy and not so lumpy that I could actually go to a Red Sox game without squeezing my fat into one of those tiny seats. I have always quibbled about my weight, and have always had problems with maintaining. Yet I finally think I am ready for a change.
I hate buying clothes.
I wore out my favorite jeans about a month ago and was hoping by some miracle that I’d wake up skinny, so that when I went to replace them I could go into a trendy store and have a variety of clothes that looked good on me instead of waiting for the next tent sale at Lane Bryant. Listen, I don’t want to alienate people who shop at LB, I think it serves a growing population of bigger women just fine. However, size 22 is laughable for a girl who used to wear size 12. Size 22 is prone to diabetes. Size 22 guarantees heart failure. Size 22 gets uncomfortable stares. Size 22 apologizes for filling more than your seat on an airplane. Size 22 is an excuse.
Imagine my surprise when LB had changed all their sizing.
Instead being a size 22, I was now according to a genius marketing team at Cacique and LB a size four? A size four? Yep. A size four. Fat women didn’t have to be called a size 22 anymore! Freedom! Hallelujah! Slather me some bacon on a cheeseburger. I’ve got awhile before I hit size 22 again!
*Sigh*
I was annoyed. Size 22 is a reminder of how big I am. Size 22 is a measurement that made me think twice about that hamburger at Wendy’s or that side of fries. I hated to go shopping for the mere reason that size 22 is the section in which I’d be shopping. It made face how big I am. It made me feel guilty that there is a practically brand new ellipse machine taking up space in my living room as my newest clothes hanger.
Now, that LB has gotten rid of that guilt size, I can go about life in my new size fours and eat until I hit the next size 22 and need a heart transplant.
I realize the person accountable for my predicament are not the suits at LB or the people who make the shakes, hamburgers and fries. I realize that ulitimate accountability lies within each choice of food I bring to my mouth, or each minute I decide to neglect excercising. Accountabilty lies within the gym membership I used for a month and then paid for without driving the five minutes from my house to attend.
Accountability is not lying to myself that things will magically get better and that my size 22 will overnight turn into a size four. (Bastards)
Accountability is not believing that eating this way will make my daughters learn good habits about their bodies and food choices.
I’d rather be a size 12 than a size four (either definition) any day of the week.
I hope that in a few months when I give another update, I will have lived up to my end of the bargain. Wish me luck.
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December 29th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Good luck, Kate. I’ll be rooting for you (while addressing my own larger-than-it-needs-to-be ass).
December 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Ok, so I did make a lifestyle change on top of the portion size… You have to keep your metabolism fired up. That means going no more than 2 hours without eating something. I found the 100 calorie microwave popcorn packs to be lifesavers. No other snack will give you close to 5 cups of food for only 100 calories. Plus, the carb levels of popcorn are perfect for between meal snacks since it is fast energy that burns off by the time your digesting the next meal.
December 29th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Good luck Kate.
After the depressing registration process for the Wii Fit my MIL got us for Christmas it is even more apparent that I need to drop some weight. I’m right there with you.
December 29th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I, too, need to lose weight, and have begun an exercise routine (my problem is my butt in a chair, given what I do for a living) so I empathize and root for you. If you have spare time, root for me as well.
Oh, I spelled “exercise” wrong in the above paragraph the first time and types it, and the Firefox spell-checker suggested “oversize” as an option.
Karma, it has spoken.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Good luck.
December 29th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Kate, I hear and understand you – especially on the LB sizing thing. WTF? (I think I’m in a 5 or 6 or something??) It’s actually been a deterrent to shopping there for me because I have to figure it out each time – and I may wear a 6 average and a 5 curvy and a what the heck I’ll go down the mall somewhere else. Their only advantage for me is that I, too, am tall at 5′10″ and LB is one of the few stores that carries tall sizes rather than stupidly short stuff.
That rant aside, I also hear you on the getting healthier piece. I’m not sure what I want to do about it – but it’s important to me too. I just don’t want another year’s broken resolution under my belt, literally and figuratively. :P I wish you well with your quest!
December 30th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Hearing you on the healthier thing. I am also a 22 although at barely 5′1″ it REALLY shows on my frame. While I carry my weight better that some, it does not negate the fact that I am also a fat girl. I worked hard to lose weight in the past, and did so dropping down to a size 18 which i had not seen since the early 90’s. But in spending my time caring for others, I have let myself go again. I do not want to be a bad example for my children, and I want to see them grow…SO I am with you on the making some changes..which will start for me after my birthday. A girl has to be able to have her cake and eat it too..at least for one day.
December 30th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I can do nothing but admire the courage it took to merely write this post. Wow!
I hope when you look back at this post in 6 months or a year you will be able to say “I’ve come a long way.”
Good luck! (big hugs)
December 30th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
You know… I have some of the best blogger friends in the world. Thanks so much for all your awesome words.
January 1st, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I’m with Tom. Just writing this post shows huge courage. You have my admiration. Please think of us supporting you when you’re feeling low. Every new moment is a chance to turn things around, even when you’ve erred and eaten too much cheesecake. We are rooting for you!
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:24 am
Kate if you think it will help, you should set up a “Shawn’s Medicine” type post to let us know how many times you’ve exercised per week, so we can (gently) kick you in the behind if you get…behind.
For some folks it helps, some folks not.
January 3rd, 2009 at 6:02 am
Your loving beauty is in perfect proportion with your dress size…
Nothing and i mean nothing will ever dim the light in you.
You are a beautiful chirpy bird, a splash of sunlight ,breath of clean fresh air. Your friends know this, your family knows this, and I am SURE that YOU will know this soon.
PLEASE, do not diet. Do not exhaust yourself with self abusive exercise torture. Just please …LOVE yourself. All that you are and what you will be.
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Hey, I remember that photo! Good luck in 2009. I have every confidence in you!!