Scalzi’s Weekend Assignment #187: Share a story about when you were once memorably late to something. Late to a big event? To a date? To a wedding? Your wedding? If you were late, and it made for a good story, that’s what we want to hear.
Extra Credit: How many times do you have to hit the alarm clock before you get up in the morning?
When I was in high school, I was volunteered for a babysitting job during a wedding. I was given very poor directions when handy programs like Mapquest weren’t available. Coupled with my uncanny ability to get lost inside of a paper bag, I drove my Volkswagon Jetta through the streets of Manchester, CT only to be almost an hour late to the ceremony.
The bride and groom were very forgiving and I was driven to their house by a cautious mother-in-law who was afraid I’d get lost again. After cleaning their kitchen(I have this horrible habit of cleaning people’s houses when I’m babysitting or house sitting), feeding the little one and settling in for the night, I had just turned on FOX to catch the X-Files when I saw headlights pull into the driveway.
Shouting erupted as the voices neared the door. I got very nervous as I saw the door handle turn and got the phone in case I needed to be rescued by the authorities.
In through the door came the groom, hair mussed and tuxedo completely destroyed, nursing a black eye with an ice pack.
“If your father didn’t drink so much, this would have never happened!” Screamed the bride, with dark red blood droplets splattered over the front of her dress.
“If your mother wasn’t such a controlling b****h, we’d still be having fun right about now.”
They both looked at me while I stood in the foyer with the phone covering my surprised expression.
They bade me to leave and thanked me for my time. I only found out afterwards that while I was driving around and lost, there was some debate as to which side the bride’s family should sit at the church. It was settled at the last minute in the best interest of the couple who was about to begin their lives together. However, after a few drinks at the reception; the father of the groom started arguing with the father of the bride.
When the mother of the bride stepped in, the obviously inebriated man took a swing, hit and subsequently broke the nose of the bride’s father (who just happened to be standing next to the woman in white) and sprayed blood all over her dress. The groom jumped in along with all the ushers and best man, tackling his own dad.
Police were called, and everyone was subsequently kicked out of the reception hall, and if I remember correctly, the drunk dad was arrested and charged with assault.
It was one of the more memorable nights of my teenage life and to this day I can’t say whether my being late caused a chain reaction of high emotions, or if the marriage was doomed from the beginning.
Personally, while sad that the couple couldn’t enjoy their marital bliss without drama, I hope they kept it together for the sake of that beautiful baby. It’d be interesting to see if the photographer got any pictures of the brawl.
Extra Credit: I can usually wake myself up on time, but I still set an alarm. I’m highly annoyed at myself the night before a big event to which I have to be at early, as I usually can’t sleep. In the odd occasions when the sandman wins, I dream about being late.
Oh dreadful head.
